Top Four Leadership Legacy Skill: #4 Listener

Top Ten Leadership Legacy Skill: #4 LISTENER

God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. I have always remembered this phrase from my childhood. I couldn’t even tell you if it was my parents, my great-grandmother Cookie who I spent many a day with (she made the best sugar cookies and let me put a raisin in the middle), or just heard it in the many phrases that are tossed around. But, it has been a phrase that has great promise as a leadership trait: listening.

We live in a global world of noise. We have industrial noise such as factories, trains, planes, and automobiles. We have visual noise in television, social media, and the internet. There is also family noise – bills that need paid, homework to be assisted with at home, activities for children, caring for ailing parents, and keeping a house running smoothly. There is also work noise. No need to add details here – you all feel and know that one, too well, I am assuming. But, how do we filter all this noise and do a better job of listening.

We first must be in the moment. There is nothing more gut wrenching than hearing your child say, “Dad isn’t really listening to me, he is on his phone again.” I admit that I have a huge challenge with the use of electronic devices. They can be all assuming. My wife can tell you all the issues. She even tried to name my phone once. That was a blow to the stomach, and a lesson well learned for me (She may still have a name for the phone, but we did not discuss one together). But, we must work to be in the moment with the people we are sharing life with. As a principal, I had an open-door policy. Faculty and staff could come in any time, truly. This was great, but also required me to do a better job listening. I found at times I had to turn off my computer screen or put my phone in the drawer. The auto notifications on our devices are like the Pavlov’s dog study. Every time we hear a ding, we must see who ‘needs’ us know. But, the people in the room need us now.

To be an effective listener, we must understand that listening does not require a response. There are times that people just want to be heard. That is all – nothing more. I am a fixer. I like to offer suggestions, solutions, and jump right in to make things better. But, I realize that not all people want me to be in a fixer mode. Again, my wonderful wife (as you can tell who puts up with a lot) will share a story about work (she is a high school Career and Technical Education Director) and I immediately start providing solutions or input. I have gotten to a place where I force myself to listen, and even ask on occasion if I am just to listen, dialogue, or problem solve. We must know our role.

One strategy I often use when I am needing to be in “Listen Only Mode” is to have pen and paper handy. I usually take notes and do a lot of work on my tablet. But, when I need to be strategically focused on the task at hand, I resort to paper and pencil. I find myself more engaged in what is being said, and even partially transcribe what I am hearing.

You may have a strategy that you use. But, the evidence is clear. We need to listen more and speak less.